i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
