I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
