All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
