She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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