I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
