God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
