I will die if light touches me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
