Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So. Much. Porn.
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