We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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