I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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