I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
