I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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