is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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