Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
