you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
