Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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