last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
