dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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