Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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