You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
