you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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