i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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