we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
