yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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