I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
