I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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