I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
