Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
