Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
