i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
