Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
