Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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