apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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