The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
