isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
