well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
