Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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