so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
