look no pants
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
