my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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