how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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