he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
