Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
