Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
