Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
