Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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