I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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