You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
