You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
