the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
