So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
