first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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