I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
