Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
