I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
